Desires, Fear, and the Gut Instinct
Desires live deep inside us, often tucked away in places we don’t dare to look at too closely. They are the quiet images we carry, the what-ifs we replay when nobody is watching, the dreams that make our hearts ache a little because they feel both too close and too far away. And yet, as much as we long for them, desires are rarely simple. They almost always come with shadows — doubts, fears, the loud inner voice that tells us we’re not ready, not worthy, not safe. Fear builds walls around what we want most, and before we know it, those walls start to feel like protection.
Still, deep down, the body knows. The gut keeps whispering the truth long before the mind dares to accept it. You feel the pull, again and again, but you hesitate. You wait for a sign, for more certainty, for the perfect moment that never seems to arrive. And then — sometimes — life places someone in your way. Not a soulmate, not necessarily a friend, maybe not even someone you’ll keep in your life for long. But their presence shifts something in you.
It might be the way they look at you, as if they see the thing you’ve been hiding. Or maybe it’s a sentence they say so casually that it lands in you like lightning. Maybe it’s just their energy, their unapologetic way of being, that suddenly makes your own fear look smaller than it did before. You barely know them, yet somehow they give you the last spark you needed. The wall you built doesn’t crumble all at once, but it cracks open enough for light to pour through.
What’s strange is that this person often has no idea what they’ve done. They don’t arrive to save you, and they don’t fix anything for you. They simply exist in a way that reminds you of what you already knew. They push without pushing, ignite something without even striking a match. And that tiny ignition can be enough. The fear doesn’t vanish, but it loses its power to hold you back. You realize the thing you’ve been waiting for isn’t certainty, it’s courage — and that courage was there all along, waiting for the right moment to rise.
A Spark That Changed Everything
I just had such an encounter. This week, I had one of those rare moments that stays with you. I was at a conference, speaking as a panelist in my role as a lawyer and in-house counsel. In between sessions, I ended up talking with one of our business partners about the New York Bar Exam, my career, and the possibility of moving back to the U.S. to pursue my legal career — though in a way that would look a little different from the path I took in the past. It wasn’t a long conversation, nothing dramatic. But later, he handed me a small piece of paper with a handwritten note: “You have to do it.”
That simple gesture lit a spark in me. I’ve known deep down for so long that this was something I wanted. I’ve taken all the exams, prepared everything I needed — the only thing standing in the way was fear. Fear disguised as comfort, fear that whispered excuses to keep me safe but, in truth, held me back from stepping into what I had already outgrown.
That note was the push I didn’t know I was waiting for. Suddenly, everything felt clearer. The weight of hesitation lifted, and for the first time in a long time, I can see the direction ahead. I know exactly what steps to take next, and instead of fear, I feel excitement. It’s almost funny how one small spark, one brief encounter, can shift everything.
When you look back, it’s almost surreal. You realize that your gut had been speaking the truth the whole time. The path was always there, only blurred by hesitation. And now, thanks to that fleeting connection, you find yourself moving forward. Not because someone gave you the answers, but because they reminded you of your own.
Sometimes the people who change us most aren’t the ones who stay forever, but the ones who appear like sparks — brief, bright, undeniable. They light up what we were too afraid to see, and then they move on, leaving us with the fire we finally dared to claim as our own. Are your ready to see and listen?
xx baj.